What are some funny and smart quotes?

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

Why did my ex of 2 years move on so fast after he left me? Why does he act so cold towards me, and as if I don't exist?

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

Did your siblings abuse you growing up? Not your parents, specifically your siblings, or other children in the household you were raised with.

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

Why are Republicans so brainwashed and oblivious to the fact that a lot of the price increases going on right now is due to corporate greed, not inflation?

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”